5 Salty Things To Do On Valentine’s Day

Well, it’s here. Valentine’s Day. And it’s fine. We’re fine. Really. It’s pretty much a mystery how this day came to be associated with love and flying babies anyway, so why not grab a friend, kick convention, and savor the day being salty together? Mix and match from the choices below to create your own romanceless adventure.



If you’re a procrastinator, spend the day taking down your Christmas tree. If you’re a forward thinker, skip this saint’s day and head straight to the next: St. Patty’s. Is there a vegetable less alluring than cabbage? No. Eat lots of cabbage.


If the only heart you want to see this holiday is anatomical, the International Museum of Surgical Science in Chicago is holding an after-hours tour showcasing human skulls, bonesaws, and other macabre marvels. This is just one of many morbid alternatives out there for the cynics among us. We can’t think of a more appropriate time to attempt axe throwing, batting cages, or self-defense classes.


Speaking of axe throwing, maybe try it with some supervision at Bad Axe in Chicago. But, hey, if a haphazard weapon toss isn’t your thing, how about glass blowing, calligraphy, self-hypnosis, or trapeze? Check out Dabble for a wide range of local classes you never knew existed. Come on, girl. Treat yo’self.


Stock up on your favorite thing and relish the fact that you don’t gotta share it with nobody. We recommend egg rolls, jelly beans, and — duh — popcorn.


The cutesy decor at most bars and restaurants is enough to make you lose your appetite, but there are plenty of sarcastic shindigs being thrown. Chicago pro-tip: Simone’s is hosting an anti-Valentine’s-Day bash featuring angsty music and apathetic vibes. Yes, we’ll probably be there.

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